From the Ashes
by AliceJoDowntheRabbitHole
Summary: There's always a turning point when things stop happening the way you planned them to and take on a life of their own. Sometimes these moments lead into darkness and other times they lead towards hope.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: As you may or may not have heard, AliceSloane13 and I, Johanna-002, have created a joint account in which we hope will contain our crazy just a tad. Stories posted to this account are largely co-written. This story has become part of a bigger plan than originally intended and we sincerely hope you enjoy the journey!_

 _-A.J_

XOXOXO

"You're going to be fine," Red promised. "You'll be out before you know it," she added, trying to reassure Nicky—trying to comfort herself.

When Nicky had come back from max, she was no longer certain who would be leaving first. Now she knew. It was the best possible outcome in her mind. Nicky would be safe and the time between their release dates was so close together that they would be back together sooner. They had spent more time apart when Nicky had gone to max than they would now. This would be easy.

Nicky hadn't opened up much about what had transpired, and now that she was leaving, Red wished that she had pushed for more details. What had her girl already been through without her? Would this feel just as lonely for her? There were so many questions she had, but now it was too late to ask them. She wouldn't leave Nicky with those demons being the last of the words between them.

Red knew it wasn't going to be as easy as she wanted to believe. It wasn't much time, but they still had to get through it. She thought back to what prison had been like when she was alone. It had been many years, but you don't forget that kind of fear.

Nicky had her friends and family, but Red knew that without her presence Nicky would suffer. They had become so close that her presence in Nicky's life had left the girl bordering on co-dependent. She had done her a disservice by indulging Nicky's constant need to reaffirm their bond at a moment's notice.

It had been so easy on the inside, but now Nicky would need to stand on her own. There was no doubt in Red's mind that she was capable of it, but it was something she should have given her more practice with. Nicky was likely to doubt her own capabilities.

Red would be counting the days until Nicky's release right alongside with Nicky. She needed her to be okay, and she knew that her desire to see her with her own eyes and feel her warmth wrapped up in her arms would eat away at her sanity until they were reunited.

"Four months," Nicky said. She crossed her arms and looked to the floor—reality was becoming too painful. Red already felt miles away. She wanted to move to her and hold on, but she knew that moving would cause her to break.

"Three and a half," Red corrected in amusement. It wasn't a light moment, but Nicky's over-exaggeration even now was precious to her. Her antics and flair for dramatics would be sorely missed. Red stepped closer and opened her mouth to speak.

Wanda's voice broke into their conversation with a flat, uninterested tone. "You'll both be leaving in four months at this rate. Hurry it up, ladies. I don't got all day."

Nicky reached forward and grabbed Red's hands. "A hundred and thirteen days," she whimpered her voice needy and in desperate need of reassurance. She raised brown eyes, tinted green with tears, to meet Red's and her bottom lip wobbled. It was too long.

"Not an hour longer," Red promised as her eyes began to water. She squeezed Nicky's hands and brought them to her lips. There weren't enough promises that she could make to take the pain away or make time move faster.

A less than subtle coughing reached their ears. Wanda's impatience was merely a reminder that it was time to face reality. She was leaving, and Nicky was staying behind. Red silently cursed herself. She was supposed to be the strong one. "Come here," she said, opening her arms.

Taking a step forward, Nicky quickly moved into the embrace. "I'm gonna miss you," she said, hugging tightly. She tried to restrain herself—tried not to claw at the other woman's shoulders, but it was no use. Her hands desperately raked at the firmness beneath them searching for something to latch onto.

Nodding, Red spoke gently to her, "I know this isn't easy, but it's not forever. Three and a half months. That's it." She slipped a hand beneath Nicky's hair, knowing that at times it would calm her. Closing her eyes in pain, she pulled Nicky tighter against her.

Nicky could hear the regret in Red's voice. She was headed into freedom, and all Nicky was doing was making her feel guilty for it. Sucking up her own pain, she raised up on her toes so that she could rest her chin on Red's shoulder rather than keeping her face tucked into it. It was a silent attempt at taking a more dominant and independent stand. She could do this. Red didn't need to worry. Nicky would do her best to be okay.

Red chuckled and moved her hands to Nicky's waist, pushing her firmly back down. "Nice try little girl," she murmured, pulling Nicky's head back down against her shoulder. She felt, as well as heard, the sob that Nicky let out. "It's okay sweetheart. It's okay to be upset. You don't have to be strong for me."

Nicky nodded, trying to swallow back her tears. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not now. Not ever. Red had been her lifeline since her earliest days in prison. Without her, Nicky just felt lost. Already she could feel the tether between them loosening into something unnerving. Their bond wouldn't lessen, but it wouldn't be accessible to Nicky anytime she needed it like it always had been.

Since they had met, a connection had grown between them that was just as strong as a mother's and her newborn's. It was almost tangible. This would stretch that bond out to a distance that Nicky didn't want to think about. She just silently prayed that it wouldn't break.

Pulling her back by her shoulders, Red cupped Nicky's face in her hands. "I'll come visit every time they let me, and we'll talk on the phone every night. Okay?" she asked, wiping at Nicky's tears.

"Okay," Nicky replied weakly. It wasn't enough. "You'll be here when I get out?"

Red scrunched up her brow in confusion. Nicky was looking at her with the desperation of a child who had been forgotten at school far too many times. She and Nicky had become so close over the years that she sometimes forgot that Marka's shadow, and the damage she had done, loomed over Nicky in moments of vulnerability.

Her face melted into one of gentle affection. She nodded, running a thumb against Nicky's cheek. Dropping her forehead against Nicky's she promised, "I'll be here. I'll be here an hour early just to be sure. I'm not going anywhere without you," she swore. It went unspoken that Red would want to get her hands upon Nicky just as soon as possible.

"Ma…" Nicky whimpered. She didn't know how to articulate her feelings.

There was a pain in Red's chest that she knew wouldn't go away until Nicky's release. "Baby," she cooed, pulling Nicky to her one more. She pulled her against her and squeezed her in a bruising embrace—hoping that it would be enough to remember.

Nicky closed her eyes and let Red rock her from side to side. She couldn't get close enough, and in moments Red would be gone. "I love you," she confessed, voice cracking.

Red kissed Nicky's forehead. "I know you do sweetheart."

Panic seemed to push all her fears to the surface. Red wasn't a sappy person, but Nicky needed her to say it. Silent gestures had been enough up until now, but she needed more. Vibrations echoed in her ear from Red's voice, and she tensed in anticipation.

"Sweetheart," Red said, tightly pulling Nicky's head against her chest. Nicky's face burrowed against the side of her neck, and Red closed her eyes as if in pain. It was time to go. "I know I haven't told you, but I love you so much. Don't you _dare_ doubt that. I'll know if you do. You're mine kid. Don't forget that. I love you, Nicky."

She felt hot tears against her neck. She pulled Nicky back and cupped her face in a painful grip. She didn't want to go. "I love you," she reaffirmed once more. Dragging this out much longer would only make it worse, yet she couldn't severe herself from the younger woman.

"I love you too," Nicky promised. She slid her hands over Red's and pulled them down gripping tightly. She nodded. "Go now," Nicky pleaded. She was going to fall apart and break both their hearts otherwise.

Red nodded in understanding. She wouldn't be able to handle seeing Nicky beg. She gave Nicky one final kiss and backed away. Not making any more eye contact.

Back against the wall, Nicky crumbled to the floor and rested her head on her knees.

Wanda looked at the younger woman and scowled. She had watched many goodbyes over the years, and not a single one had ever affected her until now. The guard crossed her arms and met Red's warning look. Tilting her head briefly in understanding, she spoke. "She's got a lot of support in here. She'll be fine."

Red understood the one thing Wanda wasn't voicing but was attempting to say. You did a good job. She'll be safe with the family you built here.

Before Red knew it, the gate was open, and she was on the other side. She allowed herself one last look over her shoulder and wished she hadn't. She could see Nicky's shoulders shaking in sobs of emotion. Wet red eyes met her own. She took a heavy breath as Nicky rose to her feet wiping angry tears off her face.

"Be good," Red called out to her.

Nicky folded her arms across her stomach and nodded. She looked down at the floor and tried to restrain herself. She waited until she heard the door shut needing to stay, but not being able to watch Red disappear.

Standing in the hall, Nicky waited for the panic to settle in. She had never been very good with goodbyes. Her fears of abandonment had shadowed over every departure she'd known.

"Get it together Nichols," Wanda barked as she walked away. Her heavy footsteps thudded down the empty hall. "You'll survive," she added, with mocking disinterest. It had been a heartfelt moment, but she wasn't sappy enough for the feeling to linger.

Responding with a nod, Nicky attempted to make Wanda go away. She didn't care what she had to say, and she definitely didn't care about feeling better. She felt broken and trying to brush that away felt wrong.

Her own twisted instincts told her to embrace the pain. She needed something to hold onto. Nicky knew that in time her own demons would try and convince her that Red's feelings were only wishful thinking—that the emotional goodbye they had was something superficial and one-sided. Holding on to happiness was something Nicky was unfamiliar with. Pain, however, was something she wouldn't forget and the pain of Red's release was devastatingly painful.

Suffering had always been her favorite vice. Drugs were just another means to an end. They were her constant companion and reminder of the emptiness that was her life. Her very existence had been a mistake, and somehow in her own mind, Nicky saw that as a sign that her life would never matter. A bit melodramatic, but the only person who had ever fought for her had just left, and dramatic was the mood she was in.

Drugs weren't an option, but there were other methods to solidify this moment. She wanted to embrace the pain of Red leaving, not lose her altogether. Nicky's mind spun through the options she had available. How could she make this somehow bearable and still remember?

She knew sex would be the best distraction, but she needed something more than a quick conquest in the bathroom. She needed something more passionate—more violent. She wasn't willing to expose herself to just anyone in this state. Even to the people that would understand.

Alex could be fun, but she didn't want to deal with the pity that she knew she would receive. The sad eyes and compassionate sentiments would definitely be there, even though her friend tried to seem stoic and mysterious. Besides, she and Piper were briefly settled into something bordering on healthy. She didn't need those kinds of complications.

Her mind stumbled upon an answer that pleased her. She didn't want to go find someone to fuck. She wanted someone who would fuck her. Someone who would allow her to work through her shit without judgment or even care. Nodding her head in acceptance, she headed towards the yard. 


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This chapter is pretty lengthy. Not going to apologize for that, because, hey, more words for you all. Consider this a part 1 of 2. The second part should be finished relatively soon._

 _Warning: This chapter consists of_ _mature_ _themes and content._

 _Enjoy!_

 _-A.J_

XOXOXO

 __Keeping her head low and her strides purposeful Nicky made her way to electrical. She took a deep breath and wiped her sweaty palms down the length of her pants. Was she really doing this? Could she even through with it? This was her last chance to back out. The minute she went in there her mind would be set.

Opening the door, Nicky poured all her anger and pain into a facade of confidence and conviction. Walking in with her typical swagger and a saucy grin, she spotted Luschek hunched over his desk working on something.

"Hey Luschek," Nicky said with a smirk. "Ever wonder what it's like to fuck a lesbian?" She strode over to where he stood and rested her palms on his desk, leaning forward, and staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"Why? You offering?" he asked, not bothering to look up from the lamp he was working on. He grabbed the cord and leaned over to plug it in, paying her no real mind. Flipping the switch, the bulb flickered. He wiggled the wire at the base, and it came to life, emitting a steady golden light. "Ha!" he said, pointing finger guns at it with both hands. "And _that_ my fine, _fine_ friend is how you fix a lamp." He finally looked up at her. "Right?" he asked with open hands at his side, grinning like a kid. "Who's the man?"

Nicky tilted her head to the side and winced. "I'm still trying to figure that one out." She probably would have found the situation much more humorous if she wasn't focusing so much on keeping her shit together. The banter was familiar, and that grounded her enough to keep her from puking, but she was still on edge and needed something to release all the adrenaline and rage she was feeling.

"I fixed it. It was totally broken. Like unfixable broken," Luschek said, his eagerness not lessening because of her jabs. He would never have acted like he cared in front of any of the other prisoners, but Nicky was different. Sure, she'd give him shit, but she would also understand that even he needed something to do to avoid the mind-numbing boredom his workshop could induce.

"Congratulations, the master has now caught up to the students," Nicky said rolling her eyes. This was a weird twilight-zoney version of Luschek she hadn't been expecting to see. While it would be amusing any other day, Nicky couldn't focus on it. She had a reason for being there and palling around with Luschek wasn't it. She was on a mission, and his oddities were not going to distract her.

She walked around to the other side of the desk, hip checking him out of the way, and grabbed a piece of gum from the pack laying there. Noticing that it was cinnamon she smirked. "Changing flavors on me?" When Luschek didn't answer, she rolled her eyes and pulled her top off tossing it at him.

Luschek batted the shirt away from his face and knocked the lamp over in the process. "What the fuck Nichols?" Luschek snapped, as the lamp clattered to the floor. "I just fixed that." He didn't even realize what had hit him until he moved to pick it up. His eyes widened, and he looked at her in disbelief. Spluttering out noises of confusion, he brought the shirt back—forgetting all about his broken lamp—and tried to hand it to her.

Nicky snatched the shirt away from him and tossed it onto the desk. "Really? I offer you sex with no strings, and you're gonna worry 'bout a damn lamp? I promise you, Piper can make you a new one. She's become a master craftsman at all things electrically luminescent."

He took several steps back away from her, as though that could protect him from how inappropriate the situation was. "You need to put your shirt back on," he stuttered, pointing at the abandoned garment. He didn't sound angry, despite his attempts. Desperation coated his tone—neither of them sure if it was from the fear of being caught or the fear that something might happen.

Nicky walked towards him, determined to succeed. "Come on Luschek. I didn't take you for the kind to pass up a good time." She had him backed against the metal shelves behind his desk and was running a hand up his chest towards his neck. She scratched the back of it with her fingernails, hoping to distract him from whatever morals he suddenly decided he had.

"Oh, my God," he grumbled, rubbing a hand down his face. He looked up towards the ceiling and tried to catch his breath. Looking back down his eyes made their way to her chest, and he stared at her cleavage longingly. It would be so easy for him to lose himself in her flesh. She looked soft, warm, and... _inviting_.

Nicky tugged his shirt out of his pants, ignoring his mental struggle. She just wanted to get on with things, and she knew he would cave in the end. All the ways this scenario had played out in her head, Luschek being resistant was not one of them. She knew he liked her—it wasn't love, but there was no question in her mind that he would be up for an afternoon quickie.

He gripped her wrists in both of his hands, stopping her from going towards his belt. Luschek needed to get ahold of the situation fast if he had any hopes of stopping this altogether. He tried to ignore her challenging grin at the way he was holding her. She was daring him to go further, and he was tempted to wipe that damn smirk off her face.

"What the hell Nichols? What game are you fucking playing?" She didn't struggle in his grip. Which he was grateful for, but he briefly wondered what it would be like if she did. He would never force himself on any woman, but the idea of Nicky writhing beneath him had him closing his eyes once more. He needed to get a grip. Taking several deep breaths, he tried to forget his dirty thoughts.

"Listen, I need you to stop questioning things and start acting like the lecherous scumbag you pretend to be." She jerked her hands out of his and walked back over to his desk. "Come here," she said, gesturing to him with a come-hither movement.

It was by no means supposed to be seductive. Rather than anything sexy, Nicky felt like she was dealing with a bumbling teenager who didn't know what he was doing—story of her life as far as men were concerned. She took her boots and socks off as she waited for him to get a grip on himself.

As though he was following a siren's song, Luschek found himself crossing the room and standing before her without even realizing that he was moving. He tried to think of all the reasons that this was wrong and a terrible idea. The list was becoming less and less convincing the more he stared at her lips.

"Sit," Nicky said, jutting her chin at the chair in front of her. She could see that he no longer had any fight in him. He was hers, and she planned on using that power in a way she'd never expected. "Just for a little while, I need you to forget where we are and who we are. Think you can handle that?" she paused, but received no response.

Luschek sat down in front of her. His hands shook, but he was quick to grip the handles of the chair to hide their tremor. Nicky, his best friend—and inmate—in Litchfield, was sitting in front of him nearly topless and propositioning him. She said no strings attached, but he wasn't that stupid. There were always strings of some sorts. That's just what happened with sex. Things got messy.

The prison bra wasn't exactly flattering, but the idea that there was only that small bit of fabric covering her left him practically drooling. He wanted to jump up, bend her over the desk, and fuck her hard, but he couldn't manage to breathe normally let alone move.

Something was wrong. Things like this didn't happen to regular guys. They happened in pornos and to rich guys and underwear models. They didn't happen to him, and they certainly didn't star Nicole Nichols.

Reaching up, Nicky slid her hands up her stomach and cupped her breast, massaging them with obviously exaggerated dramatics. "That get your blood going?" She pinched at her nipples, letting out an honest hiss at the sensation.

With Red leaving, she had spent the past few weeks solely focused on the other woman. Her sex life hadn't been a priority, and she was definitely feeling the stronger sensations the neglect had created. Everything felt much more intense. On top of the dry spell, she knew her emotions had her all over the place, and an audience never hurt.

Nicky watched as his eyes locked onto her chest, but he made no move to engage. She dropped her hands and snapped a finger in front of his face. "Jesus, you sure I'm the gay one?"

Luschek licked his lips. With a level of self-restraint he never knew he had, he lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Why are you here?" he asked, not understanding. None of this made sense. Even, on the rare occasion, when he fantasized about her, it never played out this way. His fantasies that could rival a porno's plot or lack thereof seemed more realistic than what was happening.

Hooking her feet into the handles of his chair, Nicky pulled him towards her. She rested her feet on either side of him. Her breasts were now practically eye level. "Just enjoy the fact that I am," she said in frustration. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him towards her.

Luschek found himself rolling further towards the desk. Nicky's legs were on the chair next to his hips, and suddenly his face was inches from her chest. Without thinking about it, he placed his hands on the inside of her thighs. "What are we doing?" he asked, looking up at her with questioning eyes.

"Fucking," Nicky said bluntly. She grabbed his hands and guided them to the back of her bra. "I know you don't get a lot, but surely you know the basics, right?" She smirked at him. When he didn't move right away, she wiggled in his grasp expectantly.

Not thrilled with Nicky's cocky grin or the condescending tone in her voice, something clicked. This was going to be fun. Luschek grabbed her by the hips roughly and pulled her down onto his lap. He grinned at the surprised yelp she let out. "I know more than just the basics sunshine." As he spoke he tweaked her nipple roughly.

Nicky sucked in a sharp breath of air in response to his touch. Now they were getting somewhere. She had almost been ready to give up, but finally, he was giving her something to work with. As his fingers fumbled with the clasp of her bra, she bit her lip and closed her eyes. Sure, he was her friend, and she had every intention of fucking him, but she still didn't want to see him naked.

Turning in his arms, Nicky reached behind her and opened the desk drawer. She grasped around until she found the flask she knew he kept hidden. As her bra loosened and lay slack against her, Nicky unscrewed the top and took a hit. She didn't care what was in it as long as it got her buzzing.

Luschek watched Nicky as she swallowed. Her throat bobbed, and he leaned forward and scraped his teeth against the soft flesh between her neck and shoulder. He sucked sloppily on the skin as she pulled the cool metal away from her lips.

"Fuck, that's awful," Nicky coughed, wiping away any traces of the cheap whiskey with the back of her hand. "What the hell is in that? Gasoline?" She took another hit, resulting in a similar reaction.

"Gimmie that," Luschek said, reaching for the flask. She always fucking did that. She'd come into his office criticize all his stuff and then steal it anyways. He hated her sometimes—even half naked her.

"Nu-uh." Nicky shook her head and raised the flask above her head. "All mine," she said, arching her back in the hopes of distracting him.

Nicky's chest heaved in front of his eyes, and Luschek lost his train of thought. He leaned forward and latched onto her collarbone, hands exploring the naked expanse of her back. She was as soft as he knew she'd be and tasted even better. There was a tinge of salty sweat filming her flesh, but it was intoxicating, and it increased his desire past the point of caring about consequences.

Closing her eyes, Nicky took another chug of whatever terrible liquid was sloshing around inside the flask and shuddered. She moved one hand to the back of Luschek's neck and pulled him closer. She could feel the rush of heat down her throat as the liquid surged towards her stomach. The feel of his beard scratching, the scrape of his teeth against her skin, the alcohol pulling her into a cloudy haze—this was starting to work. Everything still hurt, but she tried to shove the feelings and thoughts away.

"Nichols" Luschek whined, remembering that she'd hijacked his flask. "Let me have some of that." This time he managed to catch her by the wrist and pulled her arm towards him. He didn't even really want any, but the fact that she wouldn't let him just irked him into fighting for it.

With a hand on his chest, Nicky pushed him back. "Hey big guy, I hate to break it to you, but prince charming you are not. I need this more than you do." She didn't mention the other reasons she wanted it, nor did she want to. With a toss of her head, she took several more swallows. Draining the remainder, she tipped the empty flask upside down over their laps and wiggled it. "Sorry."

"What the fuck? This was your idea!" Luschek whined, nearly ready to push her back off of his lap. Why did she always pull this shit? Why did he let her?

Nicky winked at him and shrugged. She leaned forward and let her bra begin to slide off. It was only a moment before Luschek dropped his frustration and remembered that the important thing here was the woman who wanted him to pleasure her. He began peeling the undergarment off, and she watched his reaction as bit-by-bit her flesh was exposed. She could feel the warm fuzzy feeling of the alcohol settling in and relaxed.

XOXOXO

Squinting as she stepped outside, Red was surprised to find that she didn't feel differently. Surely she should be feeling something. Prison hadn't been horrible to her, but it was still prison. A sense of freedom, relief, or even trepidation were all absent.

What she did feel was pain. Her chest hurt, and she knew it wasn't something that was going to go away. She rubbed the heel of her hand against her breastbone knowing the gesture was futile. She hated leaving like this. If they had let her, she seriously would have considered staying until Nicky's release, just to be with her.

It wasn't that Red felt a codependence towards Nicky, but she felt like she was abandoning her. How could she walk away knowing that her girl was trapped and feel okay about anything? Nicky was alone, and Red hated that.

She heard a car door shut and was snapped out of her thoughts. Shaking her head with a sigh, she realized it wasn't one of the boys. They had never been on time for anything in their lives. Hell, when she had spoken to them the previous night they hadn't even decided who would be picking her up.

Red walked over and sat down on the bench. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back slightly, letting the sun warm her. Three months. It wouldn't be long at all.

XOXOXO

Leaning forward, Luschek dropped his mouth to Nicky's shoulder, nuzzling against her. Once comfortable with this new progression, he slid his mouth along her neck, sucking and nipping at every bit of flesh he could reach. He kept things soft and light, trying not to rush. The last thing he wanted was to spook her or move faster than she was ready.

Eventually, he pulled back and met her gaze. They stared at one another for several moments before he moved his hands towards her chest. With gentle movements, he ran his thumbs across her nipples and watching as her eyes shut. He looked down and watched as her nipples puckered further and longed to skip to the part where they were in his mouth.

Gaining confidence with each minute that passed, he began to massage her chest with gentle touches. He couldn't believe this was happening. He held no more desire to figure out what was going on, preferring to hold onto the more _tangible_ aspects of this situation.

Nicky's back arched as she let out a deep moan and let her head roll back. She hadn't expected him to be so gentle, but she was enjoying the tender ministrations regardless. This was all about forgetting and as his fingers and hands squeezed and massaged her chest, she tried to let her mind drift. Nicky leaned into his touch and let out a heady sigh.

"Fuck," Luschek hissed in response. He slid his hands up her back and leaned forward bracing her body in his grasp. He buried his face in her chest biting and sucking on the flesh before him. He took his time, trying to burn this moment into his memory. Listening to the sounds she made above him, he promised himself that he was going to turn her into a whimpering mess before they were finished.

Moving her hands onto Luschek's shoulders, Nicky opened hooded eyes to watch him as he sucked on the flesh of her right breast. She reached up and laced her fingers through his hair, encouraging him to continue. It was too slow and not enough, but Nicky wanted to drag this out for a while. With the alcohol meddling with her senses, the pain she sought was briefly pushed to the back of her mind.

Luschek wasn't as clumsy as the men she'd been with in the past, but it still wasn't anything she could see herself seeking out. She had an appreciation for the female form that couldn't be rivaled. Nicky had slept with exactly three men in her life.

XOXOXO

 _The first had been a boy named Matthew. She had been 13 at the time. Matt had been the son of Marka's driver. They had been friends for four years. At 16 he was ready to explore, and Nicky was the most obvious choice. He liked her, but it was easy to convince her. Matt wasn't terrible to look at, and the things he told her had peaked her curiosity. It turned out to be the generic first time tale—clumsy, awkward, painful, and completely unsatisfying on her part._

 _After that, she'd steered clear of men until she was nearly 17. She was already experimenting with girls and had an unquenchable thirst for all things female. However, there was still a line between being bisexual and being a lesbian that she hadn't 100% committed to. She was no dumb dumb, and one failed experience wasn't enough to truly base her sexuality on in her mind._

 _Nicky was well-read and highly intelligent. Going against Marka's wishes—and suggestions of boarding schools, academies, and tutors—Nicky wanted to go to public school for her last four years. She was lonely and wanted friends… real friends, not carbon clones of Marka and her socialite-filled circles. She even opted to go into the grade that was age appropriate despite the fact that she was well ahead of them academically._

 _She tried to dumb herself down around her peers to fit in, and for the most part, it worked. But it hadn't gone undetected by her junior year English teacher. He saw through her facade almost instantly which brought forth a kind of attention that she had never before received._

 _Ryan was smart and handsome. He engaged her in discussions that went beyond the limitations of class. At first, it was just after class, but soon she found herself skipping periods and lunches, just to spend time with him. Eventually, it led to after-school meetings and drives to the coffee shop nearby. They talked about the books they read for class and the books they read for pleasure. He opened her eyes to new authors and philosophies she'd never been exposed to. He talked to her like an equal, and they had so much in common. More than anything though she was drawn to him because he listened to her when she spoke—really listened._

 _Nicky had hoped that he might be better than Matthew but was sorely disappointed. The moment things turned sexual everything changed. Ryan stopped listening to her and started focusing mainly on himself and what she could give him._

 _It was quickly clear that her age and the taboo nature of their situation was the real draw for him. It left her even more disheartened and shameful of her gullibility. The day after they had sex he had her transferred out of his class and explained that it was over. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't seek any vengeance or make things difficult. That would only draw unwanted attention from her mother and a lifetime of I-told-you-so-s._

 _The last time Nicky wasn't proud of—much more so than her previous attempts. She didn't like to count it as actually happening, but ever since she had gotten clean, she knew that she had to stop lying to herself. It had happened. There was no hiding from the truth._

 _There was nothing about curiosity or romance, it was all about the drugs. Her worst mistakes always were. Nicky's memories of the incident were vague at best. The man's face was blurry, and no name ever came to mind. Maybe it started with a J?_

 _She had scored with the payment of a simple hand-job. It was a new low, but it had been easy, and she didn't have cash. Marka had canceled her card for the fourth time that year, but Nicky had always been resourceful. The thing about scoring from other users is that they were more apt to accept alternate means of payment._

 _As soon as he handed the gear over, she shot up on the spot and settled down in the abandoned building to ride it out. She didn't blame it on circumstances or drugs or even the guy. It was a position that she had put herself into. The details were sketchy, but she remembered him pushing her until she was lying down and then trying to kiss her._

 _The one clear detail she held onto was his rancid breath washing over her as he got close. She shoved his face away, but after that, there wasn't much she remembered—including whether or not she tried to stop him at all._

 _Regardless of how it had played out, she knew it was her own choices that had led her to that predicament. Years of rebellion and escapism had pushed her from one destructive vice to the next until she had reached that new level of low. The details didn't matter. She carried the shame even years after it had happened._

XOXOXO

Nicky was comfortable enough to demand this from Luschek, but the fact was that sleeping with a man just amplified the pain and self-destruction that she was looking for. He would never hurt her intentionally—she knew that. It was just that she wanted something else to feel bad about.

Oblivious to her plight, Luschek drew her nipple into his mouth and groaned. It felt good, but she was starting to realize that wasn't enough. She needed more than just a distraction. When she looked down at what he was doing, she could see how much he was enjoying this. Nicky rolled her eyes and scrunched them shut. She didn't need to feel good, she needed to forget. The alcohol was helping, but she could still feel the pain of losing Red, as intensely as if she were still sitting in that hall.

She rolled her hips against him and felt his hardness beneath her. Nicky didn't understand why he wasn't moving along faster—why he seemed to be taking his time. She wasn't there for tender.

"Hey Romeo," Nicky said, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling his mouth away from her. She cleared her throat annoyed by how husky she sounded. "Want to, uh, speed things up a bit?" She ground her hips against him once more and had to contain her laughter as he gasped in response.

"Stop doing that," he snapped through gritted teeth. He wasn't going to act like some sloppy asshole who was only out to get himself off. Despite his low opinion of himself and her even lower opinion, she wasn't here to slum it. If Nicky had come to him, it was because she wanted something. If she just wanted a quick, heated fuck, she could have girls lining up to be with her.

Nicky tossed her head back and laughed. " _That_ ," she accented with an exaggerated roll of her hips, "is the whole point of this." She was surprised when Luschek gripped her hips tightly and lifted her away from his crotch.

He was still trying to wrap his head around Nicky coming to him for sex. She was acting like that _was_ all she wanted. Maybe he needed to stop overthinking it. "Just… slow down a little," he said, setting her back down a little closer to his knees.

"Slow down?" she asked, eyes wide in disbelief. Nicky reached down between them and began to unbuckle his belt. "My advice to you is let's get to the actual fucking before I change my mind."

"Can't argue with that," Luschek said, pushing her off his lap and standing up. "Carpe Sexium," he laughed as he unbuckled his pants.

"Dumbass," Nicky said grinning at him. "You wanna seize the six?"

"Oh, and I'm sure you know how to say it," he said, sarcastically. He hated when she called him out on shit. Luschek knew that he wasn't a complete moron, but he also knew Nicky was smart as hell.

"'Course I do," Nicky said with a cheeky wink. "Carpe coitus, my friend. Carpe coitus."

Running out of banter, they stood facing one another frozen in an awkward gaze. Nicky felt her cheeks catch fire. She was grateful when he grabbed her and turned her away from him, apparently feeling as weird as she was about the whole thing.

Luschek watched her back—the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed, the sharp angles of her shoulder blades, the curve of her waist. It fueled his lust, and he took a step closer. With careful movements, Luschek cupped her breasts and massaged the fleshy globes with rough, calloused hands. His breathing turned into hot, ragged pants against her neck. This was actually happening. He kissed at the spot just behind her ear, hot breath making its way into her ear causing her to break out in goosebumps.

Nicky bit her lip trying to hold back the noises she wanted to make. She didn't know what to do in this position. She didn't know how to respond. Fuck, she didn't even know where to put her hands. She shoved one through her hair out of desperation. Maybe this was a mistake. Did she really want to do this? She felt his fingers slide against her nipples and as he rolled them with tight pinches, she sighed a breath of relief.

Hands moving lower, Luschek squeezed her waist as they descended to her hips. He stepped forward, pulling her back against him. Moving one hand towards her center, he leaned forward so that he could cup her between the legs.

Nicky pressed her hands on the desk to catch her balance as she toppled forwards. She hadn't been expecting that. He'd been reticent up until that point—cautious and testing the waters. Now it seemed like he was finally on board. At least now her hands had something to do.

"You sure about this?" he asked. Rubbing his fingers against her sex. One hand moved back to her breast, and he massaged it with a firm more painful grasp.

Nicky nodded. She was sure. The fact that he even asked pushed away her doubts and anxieties. Despite his gruff exterior and off-handed nature, he cared about her. Now she just needed him to get a little more energetic.

His hands found their way to her hips. Holding her steady, he ground against her. He let out a low groan as he rubbed against her ass. He had to force himself to stop. There were much better places he'd rather be rubbing himself. Hooking his thumbs in her waistband, he slid her pants and underwear down in one swift move. His own soon followed.

XOXOXO

The one saving grace was that it wasn't sweltering outside, and the bench was in the shadow of the awning. The heat would only have increased her already fiery temper. Red absently wondered what the absence of feeling homesick was. This smelled like Dmitri's work. If not in deed than in raising their sons to be no more responsible than he was.

Thankfully she had made arrangements to stay with Vasily. If she had to share space with Dmitri, she feared she would end up right back in Litchfield. It was only a temporary solution, but Maxsim had told her that he'd found a few apartments in her price range that he wanted to show her.

She was by no means wealthy, but once she had found out about the shop, she had Yuri put it up for sale. It was a prime spot and with new owners, and no ties to Ganya and his goons, it would surely be successful for the young couple that had bought it. They were opening a small restaurant of their own. After the sale had been finalized, and Dmitri had reluctantly forfeited his share after the guilt trip his boys laid on him, Yuri had put half of the money in savings and invested the other half in stocks. After three years she had a nice nest egg that was continuing to grow. Yuri had become quite the day-trader.

Part of her knew she was too hard on Dmitri. He had done the best he could, and the boys, after all, had turned out to be sons she could be proud of. The shop was hardly the only hitch in their relationship, though. It was just an easy breaking point, and she had taken advantage of that. They weren't the same people they had been, and she didn't want to find out if they ever could be again. That chapter of her life was done with, and she held no regrets.

Yuri had become quite successful at day-trading and had begun to freelance his skills as soon as he reached adulthood. He now had a successful clientele list built up and was doing more than well enough to help her in any way he could. She often wondered if his keen sense of money and how it worked had anything to do with how involved he was with running the shop after her incarceration. While his marriage was always in some form of chaos, he and his wife always seemed to gravitate back together. As of the past six months, she and the children were back at home—the guinea pig had not survived the trip and had promptly been replaced with an iguana.

While she had always encouraged her boys to go to college, Maxsim was the only one who had finished. Yuri had dropped out temporarily after his second child was born and by the time he had the opportunity to return he was doing well enough for himself that it seemed silly. Vasily had chosen to not to go at all.

Maxsim had decided to major in Russian History. It was ridiculous. While she appreciated that he respected their heritage Red thought it was a complete waste of both time and money. Her sons were very familiar with her homeland to a degree that rivaled their understanding of America. His plan was to teach, but she told him that he should probably learn to wait tables in the meantime. Who the hell was going to hire a Russian History teacher? His last semester he decided that he wanted to do stand-up comedy. Now he made rounds through the area's open mic nights, never quite getting anywhere, but surviving. Still single and childless, he had always taken it upon himself to help Dmitri when he was needed, and for that she was grateful. He had done alright for himself, all things considering.

Lastly was Vasily. He had always been her baby before prison and throughout most of her sentence. She wasn't sure how he would feel losing that title but had a feeling that he and Nicky would bond quickly. If ever there were a pair to drive her to the edge of sanity, it would be them. Now he had a boy of his own, who apparently took after his mother. She had only met Alexei a handful of times over the years, but he was always polite, clean, and stayed out of trouble—nothing like his father. Red had known Lida's family for years. They were good people, and Lida made Vasily behave. She hoped that despite their aversion to marriage they would stay together and possibly give her more grandchildren. She would never say it to the boys, but Alexei was much cuter than all of Yuri's kids combined.

Examining her nails, Red didn't even look up when the yellow cab pulled up. She suspected that it would still be some time before one of them showed up for her.

"Are you Mrs. Reznikov?" a muffled voice called out from within the cab

Red looked up and rolled her eyes. "Oh, for fuck's sake," she muttered, as she rose to her feet. They called her a fucking cab. She quickly took back every nice thought she'd just had about all of them. Nicky was the only good child she had.

Walking over to the cab, the man jogged around to open the door for her. She was so focused on the odd manners that she didn't recognize the familiar figure until he raised his head, as he opened the passenger door.

"Sorry mama, I got stuck in traffic," Maxsim said, with a grin. He pulled her into a hug before she could react—hoping that it would distract her enough so that she didn't hit him. It didn't work, and he rubbed his arm the whole way back to the driver's seat.

XOXOXO

Nicky heard his clothes hit the floor and suddenly found her confidence. She kicked off her puts, stepped out of her pants, spun around, and shoved him onto his chair. Seconds later she was back on his lap ready to go.

Grinning in response to the smirk on her face, Luschek widened his legs and watched as her ass dipped slightly. He moved a hand to her lower back while moving the other between her thighs. No longer asking himself if this was actually happening, he slid a finger against her.

Nicky held onto the arms of the chair to steady herself. She jumped at the first touch of his fingers. She wasn't exactly ready physically, but she needed this. Her heart was breaking, and despite their banter and light words, it kept hitting her with new waves of pain every time she started to forget.

Luschek slid his finger against her folds carefully. It didn't go unnoticed that the ration of his hardness to her wetness was severely unbalanced. He licked his fingers and resumed his ministrations, rubbing the tip of one finger against her entrance.

After a little manual stimulation, she started to become wet, and he spread the moisture around. Once he began to glide across her skin, he slid a finger inside carefully and watched her face for any sign of pain. He found none. She looked tense, but she'd had that air about her since she arrived. It was a look of firm determination, not one of fear or regret. He began to move even slow even strokes, hoping to build up her arousal slowly.

Nicky's hips moved eagerly against his rhythm. "Harder," she groaned after a moment, hands moving to his shoulders. She dug the tips of her short nails into his flesh, hoping to encourage him. She felt like they were back to square one and her frustration left her fuming.

He pulled his finger back out and with a stroke of intelligence made no comment about the gravelly noise of desperation that she made when he did. Luschek smirked as her eyes widened in anger. It was then that he quickly worked two fingers inside her. Her eyes fluttered shut, and her features calmed. Mentally he gave himself a high five.

As Luschek began to increase the rhythm of his motions, Nicky felt a surge of heat rising through her center. This was what she'd come here for—a lustful indulgence that would make her world bearable. She wanted to forget her pain, but she also desired to embrace it. She was still tight around his fingers but pushed for more. "Another," she groaned, biting her lip.

Luschek was her friend, nothing more. She didn't hate him, but he was still a sleaze. Nicky had never been attracted to him—sexually or romantically. Hell, she was a lesbian who didn't even hold a mild curiosity about men. Not once would she ever have believed that she would come to him for sex. It was incomprehensible.

Maybe that was why she had come to him. It was easier to comprehend sex with Luschek than it was to face the reality of being separated from the only mother she'd ever really felt like she belonged to.

"Dammit Luschek," she growled, cursing him for not giving her for what she asked for. She could feel herself adjusting and that wasn't what she wanted. Unexpectedly she felt a stinging smack on her ass. "Fucking hell," she snapped, reaching back to rub at the spot. "You did _not_ just try to spank me.

"What can I say?" Luschek shrugged. "You've got a great caboose." He wasn't just gonna let her boss him around and be all bitchy and demanding. Plus, he was having far too much fun to let her ruin his good time.

She couldn't stop herself from laughing. This was Luschek. He wasn't gonna be forceful or demanding; he was gonna be goofy and stupid and try to rile her up, just to make her crazy. She smirked at the proud grin on his face, reached down and twisted his nipple roughly.

" ! What the hell you crazy bitchy?" Luschek said, yanking his finger from within her and rubbing at the sore spot. "That hurt!" He glared up at her but stayed silent, until Nicky brought her thumb up and rubbed it against the now wet spot.

"You uh, got a little something," she said, leaning forward and licking her own wetness off his chest. She was rewarded for her efforts with three fingers being worked into her. "Yes," she groaned, rocking her hips with need. She bit down on his nipple before pulling back up and focusing on her own pleasure.

Grinning up at her, Luschek slid a hand to the sore spot on her ass and dug his fingers into the flesh, pulling her against him in rhythm. He finally found a pace that he thought worked and moved them in rhythm. Nicky's wetness was dripping down his fingers, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hang in there.

Furrowing her brow, Nicky opened her eyes and focussed on the rhythm of her hips. She met him thrust for thrust, but it still wasn't enough. "More," she whispered, rising up on her knees a little and thrusting down hard on his fingers.

Grabbing her by the back of the neck, he pulled her forward to lean against him. With no more worry about her balance, he moved the thumb of his other hand to her clit and moved his fingers roughly inside of her. Every time he thought he'd reached her limits the thrusting of her hips encouraged him to keep going.

Her orgasm took her by surprise. She wasn't ready for it, but her body had other things in mind. She tried to hold it off as long as she could but eventually lost. Nicky bit down on his shoulders, as she held back a scream. She shook around his fingers and reached a hand down to steady his.

Luschek could feel her shaking around his fingers, but he pushed on thrusting in slow pressurized movements. She was hissing curses under her breath, and he knew he'd surprised her. Putting a hand on the back of her neck, he squeezed encouragingly. It was a surreal moment, one he felt he didn't quite deserve.

"Fuck," Nicky groaned. sitting back up when he finally stopped. "I didn't think you had it in you. I figured you more of a skip the foreplay and dive right in kinda guy." She took in a few heavy breaths. Wiping the back of her arm against her forehead, she was surprised by how much she was sweating.

Luschek shrugged, trying to look like it was no big deal and failing miserably. He was fucking proud as hell that he had exceeded any expectations she'd had. "Just wait for the main event." He said, playfully grabbing her by the hips and shaking her gently.

Nicky raised her eyebrows in challenge. "Oh yeah? Well, the main event is fucking next because there's no way I'm returning _that_ favor."

"See," Luschek said with a lecherous smile, "I took you for the kinda girl who would excel at foreplay."

Nicky laughed. "Oh, I do. Trust me. Just in case you forgot, I'm also gay as hell. You get the sex, or you get blue balls, but there's no way I'm blowing you. I figure you'd rather fuck than get spent by a hand-job."

"First of all, I would _not_ be spent after one round. Also, you're right, sex sounds way better," he grumbled, conceding that she was right. He was ready and couldn't even focus on banter. He just wanted to be inside of her.

Their gaze locked until Nicky finally looked down, chuckling. "Dammit man, I never thought we'd end up in this position."

"Me either," Luschek said. "Why are you here?" he asked, sincerity once more creeping into his tone.

 _Nope_. She wasn't having that conversation. With a saucy grin, Nicky cocked her head and let out an amused smile. "I'm here to get fucked. Let's get on with it already," she said, reaching down between them.

XOXOXO

"….and tomorrow night everyone is going to Yuri's for a welcome home dinner. We thought it might be a little overwhelming to do it tonight. I bet there are so many things you're just dying to do. What do you want to do first? We could go get ice cream?"

Red forced a smile onto her lips and patted her son's knee. "Not just yet Maxsim. I think I just want to go get settled. It's been a long couple of days." He was just like his father. Ice cream. As if a bowl full of sweets could brush all her troubles away.

They drove along in silence for a few moments, but Red couldn't enjoy that either. She shifted in her seat until she could see Litchfield in the side mirror. When that no longer worked, she pulled down the visor. Like all good things in her life, the silence came to an end.

"How does it feel to be free?" Maxsim asked, trying to break the tension.

Red rolled her eyes. She knew she was going to be asked that question a lot over the next few days. "Fine," she replied, not really paying attention. Maxsim was just like Nicky with silence. He needed to fill it.

She turned in her seat and looked over her shoulder, watching through the back the window as Litchfield breezed out of sight. Nicky. She let out a heavy sigh and balled up her hands tightly. "Wait," she said before she realized she'd even opened her mouth. "Stop the car," she pleaded.

Maxsim slowed to a stop. "Mama?" he asked, putting a hand on her arm.

Red shoved his hand off her arm and turned her head towards the window. When he started to talk, she held up a hand stopping him. Without a word, she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car.

Red tried to calm herself down, but it wasn't working. She faced the road behind them and looked at the prison. Wiping tears from her eyes, all she could think of was Nicky. What was she doing—distracting herself with some random inmate and her insistent need to make women cum? Was she surrounded by the family pretending to be okay—making crass jokes that were a bit too loud and a bit too forced? Was she getting herself into trouble mouthing off to the guards and picking fights? Or had she tucked herself away some place quiet to cry?

Briefly, Red wondered if she would survive this time. Her insides felt ripped out like they'd been left behind and were tugging on her to go back. "I love you, little girl," Red said, bringing her fingers to her lips and kissing them before releasing the sentiment into the wind. "I'll be back for you soon," she promised. Wiping off her cheeks and taking a steadying breath, Red squared her shoulders and got back into the cab.

"Is everythi-"

"Drive," Red said, voice flat and demanding.

XOXOXO

Nicky rose up on her knees slightly, holding herself up with one arm resting on the armrest. Before touching him, she hesitated. It had been so long since she'd done this and there was nothing she found attractive about the male anatomy.

"Fucking hell Nichols," Luschek said, moving her hand out of the way. He jerked at his cock as he ran it up her slit and back down. Lining up at her entrance he pushed against her with firm but gentle pressure until the head was just inside. He didn't move any further, letting her sink lower onto him at her own pace.

Using the armrests to support herself, Nicky slowly lowered until she had about a third of him inside of her. She paused, trying to steady her breathing. She pulled back up and tried again, lowering until she felt stretched to her limit. Looking down she'd made it about halfway. Nicky shook her head starting to wonder if she could do this.

Luschek grabbed her hips and steadied her from moving in either direction. She was hot and soft inside, and he had to force himself to focus on what he was trying to say. "Do you want to change positions?" he asked. He couldn't stop his hands from gripping her hips tighter when she moved them to a slightly different angle.

"Just give me a minute," she said, busy concentrating on relaxing her core muscles. She felt his fingers loosen and she lifted back up. Angling her pelvis towards him, she nodded at him. Biting her lip, she felt him slip inside her at a much better angle.

Luschek could feel the difference in the change. Nicky was still tight around him, but there was less resistance, and before he knew it he was bottomed out. He dropped his head to her shoulder and groaned. Sitting back up he smirked at her and said, "Alright Nichols, you've got the reigns."

"Stop talking," Nicky said, putting a hand over his mouth. She widened her eyes in warning and tilted her head slightly. Without any warning, warm sticky heat smeared across her palm. "Did you seriously just fucking lick my hand?" she asked in disgust. She wiped her hand off on his shoulder and shook her head.

Luschek laughed as he slid his hands beneath her ass and gave an encouraging squeeze. "You wanna talk about it or fuck?" he asked. As she experimentally rocked her hips, he dropped his head back in relief and let out an unbidden groan.

Trying to ignore him, Nicky moved against him until she found the right rhythm and angle. From there it was much easier to get herself adjusted to his girth without the pain from earlier. It was still uncomfortable but was getting better with each stroke.

With hands still attached to her ass, he started to pull her against him encouragingly. She looked up at him with hooded eyes, and he had to remind himself that the lust he saw was solely about pleasure and nothing to do with him. She could be so easy to love, and with the slow rhythmic movements, he could almost pretend that this wasn't just sex.

That was definitely not a safe train of thought. Letting out a heavy breath Luschek raised a hand and tweaked her nipple sharply. Her face broke out into a snarl, and he felt the sentimentality leave him. "You ready sunshine?" he asked.

Nicky nodded and braced herself for what would happen next. "Show me what ya got?" she prompted. Inwardly cringing, Nicky knew exactly how cheesy that had sounded. It didn't matter, though, she wasn't here to impress him.

Luschek readjusted her in his hands and guided her against him with a little more force. Each time she pushed back against him he tugged her forward once more. They found a rhythm that suited them both and let it build up the energy between them for a few minutes.

"Fuck," Luschek hissed. He slid a hand around her lower back and hugged her against him so that she couldn't move. When she tried to pull back, he used his other hand to grab the back of her neck between his thumb and index finger at the base of her skull. "Just hang on a minute," he grunted between clenched teeth.

It took Nicky a second to realize what was going on. She couldn't hide the cheeky smile that spread across her lips. "What's the problem?" she asked in a husky tone that was supposed to have sounded teasing and not quite so salacious. She ran a hand through his hair and scratched her nails against the back of his scalp.

Luschek tilted his head, trying to escape the pleasurable sensations that tingled in arcs away from where her fingers touched. Instead of responding, he dropped his head against her shoulder and tried to focus on something other than his impending orgasm.

Getting serious, Nicky considered if it was really worth the cost of her own orgasm to force him into one of his own. She moved her hand to his shoulder and relaxed in his hold on her. This was a rare gesture, and she appreciated it.

After a handful of moments, he lifted his head back up and nodded. He reached for her hand that was gripping the chair tightly and moved that to his shoulder as well. Without any more delay, he grabbed her hips and began to thrust into her with new enthusiasm.

She wanted to deny how good it felt. She wanted to focus on the small bit of pain that still existed, but his hands manipulated her body against his, and she had a hard time concentrating on any particular thought.

He could see the effect he was having on her and Luschek prided himself on that. As she leaned back slightly, her chest pushed towards him, and he zoned in on it with lustful hunger. Once more his arm was around her back while the other brought her breast up to his mouth.

Nicky couldn't help but groan as he sucked on her flesh. It was scary how well he seemed to have discovered and adapted to exactly what she needed in each moment. She slid a hand down between them and began to rub at her clit with a desperate need to cum.

Luschek rocked his hips against her, and he slid his free hand to hers. Brushing her away he began to stroke his thumb against her. Faster her hips rocked against him, and she was soon moaning with abandon.

It was too much and not enough all at once. Nicky pushed harder against him, and slid her arms under his so that she could use his shoulders to pull herself closer. "Harder," she pleaded. She wanted to feel pain—needed it. She wanted to forget.

"Nicky," he said, concern crawling into his tone. There was something about the way she was acting that didn't feel right. He couldn't figure out what it was, though.

Nicky shook her head no. "Fuck me harder," she growled.

Without any more hesitation, Luschek did as she asked. The sounds of the flesh smacking filled the room along with Nicky's cries of pleasure and pain. Luschek's breath came in harsh pants as he gave her as much as he could.

A sharp cry of pain slipped from her lips, and Nicky tossed her head back in satisfaction. She slid her hips back into the original position and hissed as he hit her insides from that angle. "Fuck me," she repeated.

He couldn't think any longer. Instead of concern or doubt or even a thought for her pleasure, Luschek fucked her with only one goal—feeling more. He could feel her flinches when the pain hit, but he couldn't stop himself. He was too close.

Nicky could feel her body shaking, and she grunted with each thrust until she couldn't hold it in any longer. Her body released into orgasm and a moment later she felt him cum inside of her.

Dropping her head to his shoulder, Nicky panted heavily trying to catch her breath. The salty stench of sweat and sex filled her lungs. She tried to calm her breathing, knowing that she needed to pull her shit together before she gave herself away.

Luschek was still gripping her waist just above her hips, his thumbs brushing mindlessly against her abdomen. He moved his head to the side and nuzzled against the side of her head. His purpose was to ask if she was okay, but he couldn't get any words out.

Hot breath huffed into her ear, and Nicky leaned the side of her head against Luschek's jaw. She wasn't ready to talk, and somehow, she knew that he was checking on her. Biting her lip, she tried to keep her shoulders steady as hot tears escaped despite her wishes.

There was no way the wet heat on his shoulders was tears. It was sweat. It had to be. They'd worked up enough of it that it was still pooling off their bodies. He felt her legs squeeze tighter around his hips and her nails dig into his shoulders. "Hey," he managed, sliding his hands up to her ribs and trying to pull her off of him. "Are you crying?"

"Fuck you," Nicky spat at him, resisting the tugging on her torso. "Just out of breath. Don't flatter yourself," she added lamely.

"Give me a few minutes first," he teased. Tracing her spine with a finger. Whatever was going on, he was going to let play out. Luschek didn't know what else to do. Honestly, he thought she'd be climbing off of him the minute they'd finished. Maybe he'd just worn her out.

"Please shut up," she mumbled. She felt him stiffen and knew that he'd heard the way her voice cracked. They both stayed still for a moment, barely even breathing.

Finally, his arms moved around her and pulled her closer. He wrapped her up in his grip and didn't let go. They didn't speak, and he didn't try to console her. He just held her, and that seemed to be enough to hold her together.

"Thank you," Nicky mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. She stayed tense in his arms, but she didn't give into the sobbing that her mind urged her towards. She would not let herself break down. Not here. Not like this.

Luschek nodded and held her a little tighter.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next part. I'd like to apologize for the wait. It's my fault, not Jo's. She's always on top of her parts. I'm the slacker. In my defense, I'd like to point out that I've had an amazingly fun ear infection… Again, this is a long one. Don't get too used to them though. Who knows what we'll come up with in the future. There's a lot of sexy times in this chapter as well—you've been warned._

 _-A.J_

XOXOXO

The car ride stayed quiet for some time. Maxsim did his best to honor his mother's request, but eventually, it became too much. "A new club opened up near my apartment," Maxsim said. "I've been working on a new routine."

Maxsim took his eyes off the road for a brief moment to look at her. Shaking his head, he felt his shoulders sag. She hadn't been okay since she had gotten back in the car. He had hoped it would pass, but she still wasn't back with him.

"That's good," Red replied. She wasn't paying any real attention, and her words sounded empty and distracted. Her mind kept wandering back to Nicky. Maxsim asked her if she wanted to hear a joke. She looked at him and stared blankly. A joke? Wasn't she already sitting in one? How had this happened? Switching from an impractical degree to stand-up comedy was bad enough, but now he was driving a taxi?

She didn't look any better or show any response, but it was enough permission to move forward for him. Even after so many years apart, Maxsim could tell his mother was upset. She had never been great at containing her emotions, but this was more than that. He could feel it. Maybe he could lighten things up a little. "So, a penguin and a—"

Snapping out of her thoughts, Red cut him off. "A cab?"

Stuttering over his words, Maxsim nodded. There wasn't anything else he wanted to say about it. Taking a breath, he started over. "So, a penguin and a—"

"A cab?" she repeated, voice rising in irritation. Would he ever stabilize? This was ridiculous.

"…a farmer walk into a bar," Maxsim continued, ignoring her judgment. He knew she must be under a lot of stress with all the changes happening.

Red shook her head and huffed out a breath of frustration. "A cab?"

"Okay, fine, yes I'm driving a cab right now. It's just temporary," Maxsim said, trying to quell her questioning mind. "Can I finish my joke now?"

"He's not an eggplant. Like _you_ , he's retarded. I know the fucking joke—I taught it to you. Why the hell are you driving a cab?"

Maxsim gripped the steering wheel harder, trying to keep his frustration under control. He had been put in a rough position after his parents sold the shop. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but an offer had been presented to him that he couldn't turn down. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it helped for now.

"I just needed something to tide me over. Without the work I used to do for Pop, I needed something to supplement the income until my next gig." He cringed inwardly, awaiting his mother's reaction. "What do you think about using the joke?" he asked, hoping to turn the conversation into something else.

"It's better when your sister tells it. You'll have to ask her about the umbrellas."

XOXOXO

Once Luschek felt Nicky sneak a hand up to wipe away the tears he knew it was safe to proceed. Leaning down, he moved his mouth to her shoulder and bit at the skin there, giving her a little pain to focus on. When she moaned in response, instead of pushing him away, he knew she was open to more attention. He slid his right hand down her body until he could run his thumb against her swollen nipple.

His fingers pinched her nipple, and Nicky nodded in approval. She focused on the sensations he was drawing out and willed herself into action once more. She dragged her nails from his shoulders down his back and hissed when he pinched her nipple roughly in response.

"Fuck," Luschek cursed. If she wanted to play dirty so could he. "You're in so much trouble this time," he said smacking her ass once more. Grabbing it in both hands, he massaged the flesh in eager anticipation.

Nicky pulled back with a smirk. "What, you think you can go again?"

"I can always go again," he boasted—both of them knowing that was highly unlikely, especially in that moment. There was only so much he could manage before he would have to admit defeat. His face turned serious, and his hands dropped to her hips. "You okay?" he asked seriously.

Nicky nodded and looked down. She wasn't embarrassed, and she didn't regret coming to him or what they had just done, but she hated being vulnerable. "Red left," she mumbled without thinking. She hadn't planned on telling him, but now it was too late.

His face morphed into one of panic."Shit. Shit. Shit," Luschek said, running a hand down his face. "That's why you're here. Fuck Nichols," he said, sounding angry and afraid. He was starting to put the pieces together. He had known something was up but figured it was none of his business and if she was looking for a distraction, who was he to say no.

"What the fuck man?" she asked. "You just got hot sex with the only lesbian you know. What the hell does it matter why I'm here?" Nicky asked, shaking her head.

"It matters because you're—" Luschek paused, scrunching his brow in frustration. "It just matters."

Nicky sat up and glared at him. "Well, it fucking shouldn't. Okay? This isn't anything to do with you. Jesus, you got what you wanted now let it go."

"Nichols," he said, fingers digging into her hips as he held her in place. His mouth hung open, and he didn't know what to say. Her angry eyes bore into his, and he struggled in his attempts to figure out what he should do. He could see that she hadn't worked through the anger and frustration that she'd come to him with.

Luschek wasn't sure why he did it, but he tangled his hand in her hair and pulled her to him. His mouth found hers, and he kissed her roughly. It didn't last long. She tried to draw away from his kiss, but he changed tactics. Instead of kissing her he bit her bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth. Nicky wasn't looking for simple release she was looking for pain—the kind of pain that made you feel alive.

XOXOXO

"Tell me about her," Maxsim said. He took a quick glance at Red and noticed the soft smile that graced her lips. It was the closest thing to happy that he'd seen her look since he picked her up, but it didn't last, and once more her brow tightened.

Red cleared her throat, buying herself a moment before answering. "Who?" she asked, not having come up with a better response. She knew who he meant. There was no doubt about it. It just wasn't as easy for her as he probably thought it would be.

Shaking his head, Maxsim laughed gently. "You know who I mean—Nicky, Mama. Tell me about her." He reached over and grabbed her hand, knowing that it wasn't an easy topic. He hadn't ever met the younger woman, but his mother mentioned her often enough. He wanted to know more.

Red squeezed his hand, and then pulled away. She was afraid her palms were about to get sweaty. She could feel her blood pressure rising and the panic of emotions pushing against her stone-cold walls. Nicky always made her vulnerable. "I don't want to talk about her."

They sat in silence for another block. "She'll be okay," Maxsim murmured. He was still unsure why this mattered, but his mother was worried, and she shouldn't have to be. She should be relieved and excited and joyous. Yet somehow this prison friend had stolen that away from his family. His mother was unhappy and sad, and he could barely contain his resentment.

"You don't know that," Red snapped, voicing rising in anger. How could he begin to know how Nicky would handle things? He didn't understand that world. He didn't know Nicky or what she was like. "You don't know," she repeated in a harsh whisper.

Maxsim gripped the steering wheel tighter and slumped against his seat. "She's in prison. How much trouble can she get into?"

The thought of Nicky staying out of trouble erased all anger. It wasn't that she wasn't worried—she was. It was just the day-to-day problems that Nicky found herself in that lightened her mood. If that was the only kind of trouble Nicky got herself into, Red could live with that. Shaking her head in amusement, Red chuckled. "More than you and your brothers could manage combined. Let's just say that she has a knack for it."

"That's impressive. What about you? More trouble than you can get into?" he teased, relieved that his mother's mood was lifting.

Smiling sadly Red lifted her hands in uncertainty. "I don't know son. I hope not." The thought of something serious happening to Nicky turned her stomach. She drew her hands back into her lap and clasped them together nervously. Nicky _had_ to be okay. She just had to.

XOXOXO

Nicky felt Luschek moving beneath her. She pulled back from the kiss and glared at him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Luschek was standing up, and she wrapped her legs around him unsure if he'd be strong enough to hold her.

"Shut up," he said, trying to keep his voice light. "You want a distraction? Something else to focus on? I'm your fucking guy," he said in irritation, dropping her unceremoniously onto the desk in front of him.

Nicky looked up at him with wide eyes. She took heavy breaths and searched his face—unsure what she was looking for. After a few minutes, she nodded her head in consent. Whatever was happening here, she wanted it. She wasn't ready for reality yet.

Now that he knew what Nicky was after, Luschek tangled a hand in her hair and yanked it back exposing her neck. As his mouth moved to her neck, he could feel the vibrations of her growl beneath his lips. He scraped his teeth against her neck and bit the skin roughly, just shy of breaking it.

She pulled Luschek's head closer against her neck, wanting him to bite harder. "More."

"I don't want to leave marks."

Nicky hissed against his ear, "I don't give a fuck about marks. Stop being the nice guy."

Shrugging Luschek moved his hands down her body, grabbing handfuls of flesh where he could. He chewed at the skin of her neck and shoulder eliciting just the right amount of pain and pressure. Sucking on the flesh, he let his imagination picture what she would look like with his markings.

Nicky gasped when his fingers found her center. She was already sore and raw from their first round and the intense friction. Nicky was a giver, she always had been and as far as prison went that had left her a little out of shape when it came to being on the receiving end. She breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't enter her right away.

Pleasurable pain was one thing, but Luschek had no intention of hurting her. He rubbed his fingers flatly against her outer lips—moving all over trying to avoid any over-sensitive parts for the time being. Neither of them had long enough to completely come back down, and it wouldn't take too much to get her ready again.

Grateful for the gesture, Nicky allowed him to tease her instead of fighting him for direct results. That's why she came to him after all. She needed someone to take care of her. Part of that included battling her constant desire for control. She leaned back on her elbows angling her body away from him. She watched the look on his face change as he looked down at her body.

Nicky knew she was in pretty good shape. She was hot—not the unhealthy washboard abs starving kind of skinny "hot" that society seemed to find so appealing—but she was real, with curves in the right places and a kind of confidence that many women lacked.

Luschek's open mouth and glazed eyes told her that he agreed. His fingers brushed against her, and she hissed in desire instead of pain. She was still raw, and it still hurt, but not enough to stop the cravings she felt for more.

Placing a heavy hand against Nicky's abdomen, Luschek slid one finger inside. He watched as Nicky struggled to hold her eyes open and knew it was safe to add another; she was ready. When he felt her hips start to rise, he pressed his hand more firmly against her, holding her down.

His movements were slow but steady. Dragging everything out, Luschek took his time with the push and pull gesture as he warmed her back up. He pulled his fingers towards her entrance, just shy of pulling out. When she grimaced, he slid them back in with ease. This went on for some time, and he enjoyed watching the reactions he could create as he teased her with slow and steady patience. "You good?" he asked.

"Dammit Luschek," Nicky said, brow crinkling in frustration. "Stop caring. I don't need your pity." She huffed angrily, and her eyes widened in irritation as he slipped a hand behind her back and pulled her up to him.

"Stop being a bitch about it and let me fuck you then," he snapped, pulling his fingers back out. Their eyes met, and they both started laughing.

Nicky reached forward and wrapped an arm around his neck. "Alright, let's see what you got."

XOXOXO

Red sat in the cab, watching the buildings pass by. She was starting to feel the anxiety of her release. Everything was so different than she remembered. She knew her sons were there to support her, but would she really be able to make it on her own? Her thoughts were interrupted by Maxsim clearing his throat to speak.

"This thing with Nicky, about her being your daughter...it's not just a prison thing, is it?" he asked, voice full of trepidation. Vasily was the only one who had met the woman. He had told Maxsim that he thought she was good for their mother, but that was about all he said. They had only briefly had a chance to be introduced to each other in the visitation room before a guard shuffled Nicky away.

Red turned to look at him. Her eyebrows raised in surprise, she hadn't been expecting such a heavy question. The conversation had lulled into a comfortable silence, and she thought this tension was behind them for now. "What do you mean?"

Rolling his eyes, Maxsim looked over at her with a knowing smile. "You called her my sister."

"She _is_ your sister," Red snapped defensively. She didn't expect him to understand, but she couldn't deny the truth of her feelings either. Nicky deserved a family, and she would do everything she could to make sure she had one. Once they met her, they would come around. There was no way that they wouldn't love Nicky.

Maxsim chuckled, wondering if prison had made his mother delusional. "Mamochka," he said, gently. "Vy ne vybirayete sem'yu. Oni Bozhiy dar dlya vas, kak I vy dlya nikh. ( _You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them_ )." She may love this girl like her own, but she couldn't argue with facts—this girl was not of their blood.

Red cut her eyes at him as she spoke. "Just because you speak Russian doesn't make your words more important. It changes nothing. I didn't choose her. It just happened, like it had been that way all along. She's my daughter—your sister—end of story."

Sighing, Maxsim nodded. "I understand that you have... _feelings_ for her, but we don't. I don't understand how you can just assume that she will fit in. We don't even know her. We don't even know yo—" He stopped, regretting what he had been trying to say. She had been home less than a day. This shouldn't be how her freedom started.

"Say it," Red demanded. "You started to say it. Finish."

"We don't even know you anymore, Ma. We haven't had time with you—in years—and already you're bringing this girl into our family. Taking away from what we are." He understood his parent's decisions and choices, but there were still wounds that hadn't healed. His mother had been taken from them, and the family had broken up.

Red shook her head. "We will never be what you are asking for. That family you're picturing—that's not us. You need to move on… move forward." She reached over for his hand, offering what comfort she could. "We did what we thought was best, and there's no going back."

Nodding, Maxsim stayed quiet. He knew she was right, but a part of him had hoped that now that she was home things might be different. That they might be a real family that did things together and have normal holidays.

"Sem'ya ne glavnoye. Eto vse. ( _Family is not an important thing. It is everything_ ) _."_ Clasping both hands around his, she spoke gently. "Nicky is family."

The reverence in her voice made Maxsim recognize how important this was to her. He decided that he would do his best to support it. What was the worst that could happen? He would keep an open mind about her. That would have to be enough.

"Besides," Red said, voice slipping into something teasing and amused, "you didn't like it when I brought Vasily home either, but you adjusted."

Maxsim barked out a laugh. "Who says I adjusted?" he asked, still laughing. "He's still a pain in the ass, and he cries about everything."

"He does not," Red chuckled. "He just... complains sometimes." Maxsim was right, and Red knew it, but Vasily had always been her baby, and she still felt the need to defend him.

Rolling his eyes at his mother's response, Maxsim said, "He whines Mama. All the time." Being the middle child had left Maxsim far too aware of how his brothers worked. He was close to both of them, but they had their faults—himself included.

"Maybe a little, but he's still family. Just like Nicky." She felt lighter saying it this time. She was no longer trying to convince him. She was just stating facts. Things were going to be okay. Her boys were good sons, and they would be good brothers to Nicky.

A few silent moments had passed between them before Maxsim built up the courage to continue. "How long before she gets out?" he asked. The way his mother talked it sounded like it would be soon. He hoped for her sake that it was. Despite the laughter and lightening of the moment, he could still feel how upset she was at their parting.

"Three months," Red said, looking out the window sadly. It was too long. The only thing keeping her from slumping into a depression was her pride and her desire to get everything settled before Nicky was released. She wanted to make sure that Nicky wouldn't just be joining her, but that she would be coming home.

XOXOXO

Nicky leaned her head against his shoulder and moaned as his fingers pushed into her deeply. Luschek's fingers twisted and curled inside her, and soon she felt the tips of his fingers rubbing against the spot that made her head spin. A part of her hated that he knew what he was doing. The smug look he was giving her reminded her too much of her own when she had a girl squirming in pleasure beneath her fingertips.

He felt her whole body tense as she took in a sharp breath and he smiled to himself. He may not look it, but he knew how to handle a woman's body. Rather than a come-hither moment against her, he tapped his fingers against her g-spot and felt her pant out several ragged breaths in response. He rubbed the back of her neck, squeezing the muscles beneath his hand. "You like that?" he asked with a prideful grin. He curled his fingers against her, rubbing against the spongy texture.

Nicky arched in his arms, grateful for the physical support he was offering. She didn't answer, glaring at him instead. Had his arm not been around her she knew she would have fallen to the desk painfully in response to the way his fingers were playing her. She gritted her teeth as a wave of pleasure passed through her. His fingers were pressing against her and rubbing circles around and across the stimulated spot.

Curses flew past his ears, and Luschek tilted his own head back. He was ready. It was taking all he had not to exchange his fingers for his cock and ram his way into his next orgasm. Instead, he brushed his thumb against her clit and listened to her groan of approval.

Nicky could feel him against her thigh, and the fact that he wasn't rushing reminded her that she had made the right choice in coming to him. She leaned back on her elbows and closed her eyes. He started to pump his fingers into her again, speeding up his movements into a smooth pistoning rhythm that her hips attempted to match.

Rocking her hips, Nicky just wanted to cum. She wanted it to be intense and knock all the emotions right out of her. Biting her lip, she watched his face as he worked a third finger inside. She let out a groan when she felt him spread them inside of her. "Fuck."

Looking at her with a hidden concern, Luschek pulled his fingers together and began to pump them inside of her in fast, slick movements. He watched as her chest heaved with each gasp and hiss of pleasure she made.

Wanting to give herself over to the moment, Nicky laid back down flat on the desk. She met Luschek's eyes and let her line of sight stay locked with his. Reaching up, she began to roll her nipples with one hand, while she scratched at the inside of her thigh with the other. The sensations drawing out goosebumps along her body. She wanted him to break her control.

As he continued to work her over with his hands, Luschek leaned forward and dropped his mouth to the inside of her hip bone. He sucked at the soft, vulnerable skin determined to leave a reminder. When he heard Nicky began to gasp in breaths of strangled air, he bit down at the growing bruise adding sharp imprints of his teeth.

Nicky couldn't speak or think. She was a writhing mess of need and helpless against the onslaught of feelings that were being laid upon her. All she knew for sure was that she needed everything he was giving her and more. Her body was no longer under her own control.

Her hips jerked in an attempt to match his rhythm, but she couldn't quite sync with his timing. As her orgasm approached, it became even harder. She was no longer moving of her own accord. "Fuck," she whined in a strangled voice. Her whole body tensed up as she began to shake.

Luschek watched Nicky as her orgasm hit her. Hot didn't begin to describe the moment. Her eyes scrunched shut, despite her attempt to keep them open. He held his fingers inside her feeling her muscles contract around them as wave after wave hit. His stilled his thumb but kept it pressed firmly against her. When she finally finished, he slid his fingers out of her and placed his hands on her thighs. "Have I worn you out?" he asked with a cheeky grin when she opened her eyes.

"One more," Nicky requested. Her body was beginning to ache, but she did her best to ignore that. She was just on the edge of what she needed. All it would take was just a little more push, and she'd reach the level of pain that she desired. The kind of pain that would take away her manic thoughts and replace them with a calm acceptance. She wanted that rush of freedom she knew she would feel.

Luschek nodded. He silently thanked God that she wasn't gonna leave him with blue balls. "Okay."

XOXOXO

"She's a sweet girl," Red said fondly. "Mouthy, but sweet," she added. Her eyes sparkled with amusement at the thought of the younger woman's quick wit and lack of shame.

Maxsim acted playfully shocked. "Mouthy? To you?"

"Mmhmm," Red replied. "Especially to me." Nicky had acted intimidated by Red at first, but it hadn't lasted. She was one of the few people throughout Red's time at Litchfield that spoke to her without restraint. It was part of why they had become so close so quickly. She could confide in Nicky and know that her input would be brutally honest and should be taken seriously.

"We would have been smacked stupid if we had talked back to you or Pop." Maxsim knew that he and his brothers were rambunctious and often in some trouble or another, but they had been raised with manners that were not optional.

Arching a brow, Red looked over at him. He had grown up so much from the young boy that she remembered clearly. "What makes you think you weren't? You're driving a cab!" She couldn't help but tease him about his new career. There wasn't anything wrong with it, but she wanted her sons to have jobs they loved and being cramped in a car with complaining strangers and dealing with city traffic was something she knew he didn't enjoy. "Maybe I'm getting soft."

"You, soft? Never," he promised. "Vasily was always your favorite. It will be fun to watch him witness his reign come to an end. The era of the new golden child has begun."

"I don't have favorites," Red huffed. "I love you all equally." She crossed her arms in annoyance. Maybe she treated them differently, but she loved them all.

"Alright. You love us all; you just like some of us more than others. Tell me something else about her," he said, nudging the conversation forward.

Red smiled and her arms relaxed back against her sides, hands in her lap. "She's smart—so very smart. I know her mother made sure that she had a good education, but it isn't just that. She's clever about people and situations too. You can hear it when she talks and see it in her actions," Red bragged.

"Nope," Maxsim teased. "No favorites at all."

Smacking his arm playfully Red continued. "She's funny too. You might learn a thing or two from her. She has this ability to work a room that comes flawlessly to her. She's a natural entertainer, just like you."

The small praise left him grinning. His mother did not bestow compliments often, but when she did it, she was sincere. "So, she has Yuri's brains and my charm?"

Red nodded. "Yes, I suppose she does."

"Anything from the prince?" he asked, referring to his younger brother.

Grinning Red told him more. "She's definitely just as spoiled as he is and as troublesome. The only difference is that she likes to pretend that she doesn't enjoy the fussing. It's hard to explain. Nicky didn't have an easy childhood."

"Who did?" Maxsim asked.

Red smiled sadly. She felt like she and Dimitri had robbed the boys of something, but she knew that they each understood that they were always loved. No matter what they knew that. "It's a little different. This is really her story to tell, but she didn't grow up with much attention, and she still seeks that out."

"Wild, rebellious teenager?" he asked.

"Sometimes, but there are many sides to her. She has a strong need to be loved. It's something that I take very seriously. There's more, but like I said, it's not my story to tell."

Maxsim nodded, respecting his mother's choice in what she would share. Hearing her talk, it was obvious how much she loved the other woman. He was now more curious to meet her.

XOXOXO

Nicky spread her legs open, offering herself to him. "Don't stop until you're finished. No matter what just keep going."

Chuckling, Luschek shook his head. He stepped close to her and rested his hands on her thighs, squeezing the muscles with strong hands. It was a ridiculous notion that she believed he had enough stamina to outlast her. Just the thought alone of being inside her wet, slick heat made him shiver.

Taking heavy breaths, Luschek stared down at her. His eyes trailed across her skin. She lay in front of him open and exposed, and he briefly recognized what a privilege that was. Sliding his hands up to her hips, he asked her if she was ready.

Nicky nodded her consent. His fingers had softened and his eyes glazed over. She wondered what her own looked like. Was it obvious how much she needed this? How broken she felt? How desperate she was?

"What the fuck ya waiting for?" she asked, needing to ground herself. She needed him to stop looking at her like a lovesick puppy. It was starting to become clear that he cared about her as a friend, but that wasn't what she wanted—at least not then. She sat up and rested her hands on his shoulders.

Knowing that she was pushing herself, Luschek reached down and slid two fingers along her entrance. She flinched in his arms, and her nails dug into his shoulders harder than they had all afternoon.

"I can't," he admitted, pulling away. She was in pain, both physically and emotionally. Luschek pulled her hands off his shoulders and held them in his own. Taking half a step back he willed her to understand, but he could see that she couldn't.

"Luschek?" Nicky asked in disbelief. She snatched her hands away from him and shook her head. "What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, voice getting louder and more desperate with each word. "We just had sex. What the hell has you backing out all of a sudden. Especially with _that_ ," she said, gesturing towards his erection.

Closing his eyes and looking towards the ceiling, he ran a hand across his face. The last thing he needed to think about was his need to finish. "I know you want to avoid dealing with what happened but look at you. You're here with me, who you don't even like that much. You're begging for sex when you don't like men. You're obviously in pain Nicky, and I don't just mean emotionally. All I did was brush my fingers against you, and it showed. You think I'm gonna ram my dick into you? I know you think I'm an asshole, but I don't want to hurt you."

Shaking her head, Nicky felt herself begin to shake. She needed this. "Listen man," she started, as she slid off the desk. She had a feeling that she looked as desperate as when she was jonesing for heroin. "Maybe you're right about a lot of it, but I need you to listen to me. If you care like you say you do, you'll do this for me. Please," she begged, not caring how pathetic she seemed.

Nicky stepped closer, and Luschek backed up in turn. He turned away from her and began to put his pants back on. "I'm sorry Nichols," he said. This had all been one big mistake. Thankfully Red wasn't still in prison. He had a feeling he would be losing at least one body part if she had been and found out.

Before he knew what was happening Nicky was standing behind him and pulling his hands away from his zipper. Her fingers snagged his belt hooks, and she tugged on him until he turned to face her. She couldn't accept his rejection. Not now. Not after all they'd done already. What would be the point if she was still left an emotional mess with too many painful feelings?

Looking down at his friend, Luschek knew that he was close to breaking. His breathing was heavy, and the whole room smelled like sex and sweat. Her eyes met his, and he could see fear mixed in with her need. He didn't understand what she was feeling, but he could see the vulnerability she'd been trying to pretend wasn't there. His resolve was weakening.

She grabbed the waist of his pants and bent over as she pushed them down. Moving lower her wild hair brushed against his dick and he groaned. He grabbed a handful of her curly locks pushing it away but holding her in place, just inches away from where he wanted her.

Looking up at him, Nicky noticed how much bigger he was than her. He could easily overpower her. She didn't think he would, but the implications of their positions were clear. She didn't say anything—just waited.

He thrust his pelvis forward against the air without thought or control. This was the closest thing to seeing Nicky on her knees for him that he would ever experience. She would never allow more, and he wouldn't take that, but he couldn't hide from the thoughts he was having. Noticing the confusion in her eyes, he let go.

His respect for boundaries only fueled her need for this. "I'm a little sore yeah, but no more than any of the other girls in here would be. You're not hurting me like that—I'm just a little out of practice when it comes to sex like this. I need this Joel," she said, determined to make him understand.

Despite her earlier reservations about touching him, and her own disgust at the male anatomy, Nicky reached down between them and encircled his dick with her fingers. Squeezing gently as she rubbed a smirk crossed her lips. His eyes were already glazed over, and he let out a low groan.

"Fuck it," he said quickly. Reaching down he pulled her to him, guiding Nicky up on her toes with a handful of hair at the back of her neck. He leaned down to kiss her. It wasn't gentle. He chewed on her lips and sucked them into his mouth until she pulled away out of breath.

Sliding hands to her shoulders, Luschek stepped forward, pushing her backward until her back hit the cage. "You sure you want this?" he asked, nuzzling near her ear. His cheek brushed against the sweat on her temple, and he wiped sweaty hair away from her face. They both knew that it would be the last time he asked.

Nicky nodded. "Don't hold back," she whispered. She could feel the cold metal against her back and the tiny barbs catching her skin. This was exactly what she was after.

XOXOXO

"Well, this is it," Maxsim said, turning into a parking garage connected to a tall apartment building. "Lida and Vasily are on the third floor. It's not big, but it's homey. You'll like it."

Red nodded, taking in her surroundings. The trip had kept her mind occupied, but now that she was here she could feel her anxiety building. She hated depending on her family like this. She knew that it was what family did, but she considered herself to be the strong figure. For over a decade it was people needing and leaning on her, she was struggling to deal with her own ego.

They made their way to the elevator and stepped inside. Red looked around nervously as it groaned and shook as it struggled to take off.

"It's okay. It always does this. I promise no one has died," Maxsim teased.

Red shot a glare his way. "Don't tempt trouble." She wasn't a superstitious person, but it was something she believed in.

" _Mama_ ," he complained, rolling his eyes. He knew better than to argue. "Vasily and Alexei should be home in a little while. It's still early, though."

The rickety cube made its way up, and the doors chimed. At first, Red didn't think they were going to open, but after a little shaking, they started to move.

"Nice place," she grumbled, stepping out of the death trap. She was grateful for the place to stay, but her own nervousness and fear left her short and testy. It was a defense mechanism that those closest to her were well familiar with.

Reaching for her hand, Maxsim brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it. "It _is_ a nice place. You'll be comfortable here, and Lida is looking forward to having you with them."

"Oh, I'm sure. Just what every young wife wants to deal with—her mother in law. You know, your father's mother was a nightmare to deal with."

"I'm sure Pop feels the same way about yours, but Lida is excited. She's also not his wife," he said with a wink. It had almost become a family joke at this point. They were settled, and when they weren't fighting, you could see how much they loved each other. "She wants you to get to know Alexei. You know her parents are gone. You and Pop are the only grandparents he has."

Red nodded, remembering what the younger woman had been through. "Well, she keeps your brother in line from what I've heard."

"She does," he said, grinning. "You'd be surprised how much Vasily's grown up since they've been together. It's almost like he's become a real adult."

Red rolled her eyes. "That's because he is a real adult."

"Whatever you say, Mama," he laughed, knocking on the door in front of them.

A moment later the door opened. "Mrs. Reznikov," Lida greeted. She let them in and hugged the older woman. Her energy was bright and welcoming, but thankfully not too cheerful or obnoxious.

Red stiffened briefly, before allowing herself to return the hug. She wasn't used to people approaching her so openly—except for Nicky. "Please, none of that. Galina will do." She wasn't sure why she hadn't asked her to call her Red. She had gone by it for so long that her own name felt foreign upon her tongue. Red was something for Nicky she quickly decided. It was a piece of herself solely reserved for her daughter.

"Galina," Lida corrected herself. "You look good. Not a day older than I remember."

"I see my son's tendency for bullshit has been passed along," she replied, knowing that the years she'd been away showed. "You were always such a nice girl too," she teased. She had to force her way through the pleasantries, but she wasn't as stiff or uncomfortable as she had expected.

"He does have a way with words," Lida agreed. "You do look good," she said firmly.

It was the kind of tone that told you there would be no arguing. The same kind of tone Red had used with her own boys. She was glad that her grandson would have such a strong woman raising him. Lord knew Vasily would make a mess of things on his own if given the chance.

"Lida," Maxsim said, drawing out her name. He could smell the sweet scent of baked goods and knew that she would share. She always caved in.

The younger woman closed her eyes and shook her head. "Yes, yes, go ahead. There's sandwich stuff in the fridge and brownies on the counter. "These sons of yours know how to eat. I swear, between Vasily and Alexei, I can't keep food in the house."

Red laughed. "You should try it with three boys and a husband. It was impossible. Although now, I think I'd have a pretty good handle on feeding the masses."

"That's right. Vasily said you ran the kitchen. That must have been a lot of work," Lida said, leading Red over towards the couch. "Come sit."

"It was a great deal of work, but I had a few women that worked for me that were very good. Everything ran smoothly in my kitchen," Red said, proudly.

Lida smiled at her. "I'm sure it did."

They continued to make small talk about Red's time in prison. Lida seemed genuinely curious and not at all judgemental. Red found herself relaxing more and her confidence was building back up.

"Lida," Maxsim called from the kitchen. "I can't find the pickles."

Rolling her eyes, Lida excused herself and went to help him.

Red stood up and wandered around the living room, taking in the details of her son's home. There was a bookcase on one wall, and the shelves were filled. In front of the books were a handful of framed photos. Picking them up, she smiled at the memories captured within. She picked up one in particular and stared down at her grandson's boyish grin. He looked very little like the Reznikovs or the Volkovs, but she knew where she had seen those eyes before.

"I think he's all set for now," Lida said coming back in. She didn't think Red had heard her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Oh Lida," Red said, holding up the picture of Alexei. "He looks just like your brother." She ran a finger against the boy's cheeks and smiled. Lida's brother had been killed several years before. It was never proved that Ganya's men had been involved, but they all knew the truth.

Kostya had made an arrangement with the man to take over the money his father owed. It was a gambling debt that had gotten out of control. He struggled for months paying it off little by little. It all looked like it might work out until his daughter got sick. He used that month's money to pay for her surgery, hoping that Ganya would understand. The mob boss didn't give second chances though. It was a clear message to all those whom he did business with, his deals were non-negotiable.

"He does," the younger woman said. "You should see him when he's moving about and talking. Sometimes it's as though Kostya is right here with us. He would have loved Alexei."

Red nodded and wrapped her arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "He was a good man your brother. He didn't deserve that."

"No, he didn't. My father did," Lida replied bitterly. The room stayed quiet for a moment only interrupted by Maxsim's intrusion.

"Well, I hate to eat and run, but I need to get back to work," he said. Sandwich in one hand, brownie in the other, and a glass of milk cradled against his chest, he came over and kissed his mother on the cheek. "Thanks for the snacks," he said to Lida and then left.

The women bid him goodbye, and the room fell silent once more. "Well, the boys should be home in a while. Let me show you your room. If you want to get settled, you're welcome to or I'm going to make some tea if you want to join me," Lida offered.

"Thank you. I think I might just lie down for a little bit. It's been a long few days," Red said, nodding gratefully.

"Oh okay. Well, here's your room. The bathroom is across the hall. You know where the living room and kitchen are. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. This is your home for as long as you want." Lida smiled.

Red returned her smile, realizing that Maxsim had told her the truth. The younger woman was glad to have her. Knowing that, she felt a little calmer. She just needed a little time to settle in before she really warmed up to her new situation. "Thank you," Red replied and entered her room.

XOXOXO

Bending down, Luschek began to bite at Nicky's neck. His hands were on her boobs again, rolling her nipples with rough pinches and tugs. One hand lowered to her ass, and he groped her cheek with strong determined fingers. His other hand followed until he was bruising her ass beneath his grip, fingers digging into her flesh with an animalistic need.

"Fuck," she hissed. Her knees were weak, and she knew that his hands were the only reason she was still standing. Clawing at her thighs, in the same manner he had observed her doing, his mouth found hers again. She opened for him and felt his tongue invade her mouth before sucking it into his own. She definitely wasn't used to being so pushed around.

He pulled back and with a smug look on his face, his hands moving beneath her thighs—cupping her ass—and he pulled her up until she was tightly wrapped around his waist. Once she was pinned against the cage, he tilted his head down so that he could move his mouth to her breasts.

Sucking and biting the fleshy globes, he heard her hiss in pain. He didn't hesitate this time, and the fingers in his hair pulling him closer urged him on. He could feel her slick heat rubbing against his stomach, as she grinded her hips against any flesh she could touch.

"Luschek," she growled, ready for more. She watched nervously as he stood up and met her gaze. This was what she had been asking for. She needed him to just take her. She shifted roughly in his hands. Clutching to his shoulders, she felt like she was going to fall. The fence scraped against her back, creating tiny scratches along her shoulder blades. She met his gaze and worried her lip between her teeth.

It felt like hours, but a moment later he was lined up and pressing against her. Nicky's eyes shut in relief, and she dropped her head back in satisfaction. He pushed the head of his cock against her opening, trying to make his way inside. She was still sore, and despite their activities, she still felt tight enough that her first time had felt like heaven in comparison, but it was exactly right. "Do it," she groaned, ready for more.

Staring at the way her pulse beat through her neck, Luschek looked down to see her chest heaving. It was too much to rein his need in. In one swift movement, he slammed inside of her. He growled in response and held himself steady against her for a moment. His fingers clutched at the fence, and he pulled himself as close as he could, crushing her.

Nicky cried out at the sudden intrusion. She hadn't been expecting him to enter with such force. It burned in the most painful and delicious way. His torso had slammed against her with such a hard impact that she felt like he'd knocked the air out of her lungs. Gasping for breath, Nicky realized she was truly pinned between him and the fence.

His hands moved to her ass so that he could hold her up as he eased away from her. He was pushed inside of her so deep that she felt like he was going to come out her fucking ears. He was starting to ask her if she was okay again, but she tilted her head and began kissing him instead. Anything to shut him the hell up.

With Nicky's mouth on his, Luschek started to thrust inside her with thick wet strokes. He tried not to rush it, focusing on thrust rather than speed, but it was a battle he barely won. His struggle seemed to pay off because she was moaning out load in a way that she would never admit to. It was music to his ears, and he wanted to see how far he could push her.

She wrapped an arm around his neck, and her fingers of the other reached back to tangle in the fence. She knew he wouldn't let her fall, but that didn't mean she felt steady either. His hips popped into hers with sharp, angry thrusts that jerked her whole body in time with his rhythm. Stinging pains made their way through her abdomen, and she relished the sensation.

Luschek tried to follow her lips, but she broke away. Panting heavily, Nicky writhed against him—her sweaty body sliding against his. Looking over his shoulder to the door he started to worry about how much noise she was making. Reaching up, he put a hand over her mouth. His eyes looked to hers pleading for her to keep it down. When she gave a quick jerk of her head, he didn't drop his hand right away. Instead, he kept it there, eyes locked on hers for another minute, feeling the vibrations of her cries against his skin. Finally, he removed his hand.

Dropping her face to his shoulder, Nicky tried to get ahold of herself. He was ramming into her hard—harder than she thought possible. She thought he'd shown her all he had before, but it was nothing in comparison. She tried to settle down a little, but with her mouth right next to his ear, her cries only fueled his energy.

It wasn't long before Nicky felt her muscles contracting around him. She clawed at his back as the waves of painful pleasure hit her. He wasn't slowing down, and she was glad that he had finally listened to her. He wasn't ready to stop.

Groaning deeply as he felt her coming around him, he reached a hand between them and rubbed her clit with his thumb. She cried out again, but this time he didn't cover her mouth. Leaning down he attacked her neck, and as she cried out a second orgasm, he bit down on her muscles with little control. It was intoxicating. Not caring about being careful, he continued fucking her with all he had drawing out a steady stream of curses, cries, and whimpers.

He was relentlessly rubbing her clit, and after her second orgasm she couldn't handle the sensation any longer. It was making her jerk in an attempt to get away from his fingers. It was too much. Still, he didn't stop. She clung to his shoulders in desperation, feeling as though she might explode. His thrusts filled her with the most delicious sensation.

Her whole body shook as he picked up his pace. She knew he was nearly there and wasn't quite sure if she could survive much more. Unable to form words, she tried to convey her state with babbling noises of exhaustion.

A few more rough thrusts—ones that made her cry out in pain—and he set her down on her feet. He kept her in his grip, fingers digging into her flesh. He needed to cum, but he knew he hadn't broken her yet. Not even with how far he'd pushed her, she could handle more.

"Luschek," Nicky growled. She had told him not to stop. She didn't care that she was going crazy at the over stimulation—she wasn't ready. Her own hands moved to her clit, trying to keep up the pressure he had built up. She needed more.

"Settle down sunshine. I'm not finished," Luschek said, spinning her around to face the fence. He pressed up against her, pinning her naked flesh against the cold metal and worked himself back inside. The angle was all wrong, but eventually, he managed to get them into a position that worked.

Nicky gasped as he found the pace he liked. Not worrying about how deep he was going, Luschek started to push into her with fast hard thrusts. She could feel her toes lifting off the ground with each movement. Trying to focus on the way the cage bit at her skin she lost herself in the sensations. He was hitting new nerves that hadn't been touched since his fingers had been inside of her. She felt her breath leave her with every thrust. He was pressing her tightly against the fence once more, and she knew that she couldn't get away even if she wanted to—which she most certainly didn't.

Despite knowing better, he started to feel even more possessive of her. He pushed her roughly, never enough to be cruel, but enough to show his frustration. He pulled her tight against him by her hips and finally felt close. Reaching up to tangle a hand in her hair, he turned her head. "Is this what you wanted?" he asked, a softness still poising his tone.

She couldn't speak, all she could do was nod. Bending an arm backward, Nicky slid her hand to the back of his neck and held him there. "Make it hurt," she groaned, finally finding her ability to speak.

Without any hesitation, Luschek let go of everything he was holding back and fucked her with abandon. He felt himself building up and wondered if he could make her come once more. He was proud of how long he was lasting but was ready to finish. He reached between her legs and began to play with her clit once more. When she tightened around him, he knew had won. She let out a guttural cry, being forced into a final orgasm. When she whined out his name, he finally reached his peak and released within her.

XOXOXO

Red stepped into the door and carefully shut the door behind her. She leaned her back against it and closed her eyes. It wasn't as hard as she expected, but she was emotional and missing Nicky desperately.

It was funny how she could spend the whole day separated from her within Litchfield and not give it a second thought, but now in only a matter of hours, she was homesick and tearful. Swallowing hard, Red opened her eyes and looked around the room.

Her new space was carefully decorated in shades of ivory and light orange. It was pretty and apparently had been carefully put together—she could still smell the fresh paint on the walls—but it wasn't anything she would have picked out for herself. "Great," she muttered to herself. "I'm living inside a creamsicle."

There were a few cardboard boxes on the bed. She picked them up and set them on the desk before sitting down. Looking around the room, she took in her surroundings. There was a double bed, a small desk, a bookcase that was already full, a closet and dresser, and a window that overlooked the noisy street. It was enough—more than she'd had in prison.

She pulled the crumpled letter from her pocket and traced her finger along Nicky's swirly handwriting. _Ma_. She smiled at the gesture and imagined what it might say inside. She turned it over and brushed her fingers against it, smoothing it back out. Her nails moved towards the flap, but she hesitated. It was the last thing Nicky had given her. Did she really want to open it now?

After a moment of deliberation, Red decided to wait. She would save it until she really needed something to hold onto. Bringing it to her lips, she kissed the paper and set it down on her bedside table.

Maybe she should have written a letter to Nicky. It was too late for that now. She could always mail her something or take one with her for visitation. She hadn't had the foresight to think that written words might be a comfort to Nicky.

Smiling to herself, she wondered if Nicky had noticed her blanket yet. She knew that it was obvious who she would leave it to, but sometimes Nicky could be oblivious. Any little gifts Red had bestowed upon the girl over the years had always seemed like they surprised or shocked her. After all this time, Nicky still didn't see her own value—especially her value in Red's life.

Grabbing one of the monstrous decorative pillows, Red hugged it against herself and finally allowed herself to cry. She felt such pain over her loss. Despite trying so hard to convince Nicky that three months wasn't a long time, Red finally gave up the lie. Three months felt like an eternity. She needed Nicky with her, and the pain of their goodbye finally caught up to her.

Bursting into tears, Red allowed the emotions to overtake her composure. She needed the time to grieve.


End file.
